Pass me!! You know you want to. I need a good grade. <(-_-<)..............t(-_-t)...........(>-_-)>
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All You Need to Know To Live Through A ZOMBIE Attack!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Anti-Zombie League | Think your life sucks?

¶ So, with this recent outbreak of Swine Flu, you may be asking yourself...
"How will I survive a mass zombie pig invasion?"

Well, there's a lot you can do. But first, let's discuss how these zombie pigs came to be. In the beginning, there was a lonely little human influenza virus. Well, being the nosey little prick that it is, decided to infect the birds, thus the human/avian influenza virus. Well, still being lonely and depressed, because it kills everything around it, it decided to infect piggys. Well, now we have the human/avian/piggy(swine) influenza virus. Somewhere in that mix, it decided it could reanimate dead things, thus when it kills its host, BOOM, it comes back as a flesh eating, rotting meatbag zombie pig. Want some bacon? Anyway, well, this virus is not only transmitted through being bitten by an infected creature, but any contact with it period. Nasty little bugger, eh? Well yes, and no. If we can harnass the power of reanimated corpses to do our dirty work, war will be so much easier. I could take over the world. Throw infected piggys at people, let them bite the people, and then claim them as my minions. Easy as a monkey throwing poo. Ooh...kind of went off on a wee tangent there, my bad. Anyway, that's how things work, yes? Yes. No arguing.

Weakspots of a Zombie

¶THE HEAD!!! That's all you really need to know. I mean, you can shoot the legs/arms off, but it will only slow it down. Kinda like the Black Knight from Monty Python. "I'll bite your ankles off!!!"...You know, tis only a flesh wound. On a brighter note, decapitation slows them down, but some still tend to try to bite you. The best way is complete and utter destruction of the brain....hahaha I said utter. Now, a way to keep your mind off of this mass destruction and you being responsible for MURDERING hundreds of people, sing happy songs, or have a friendly competition with a friend, as in the one between Legolas and Gimli in LOTR.

How to live through zombie attacks

  1. Stay sober
  2. Leave the weak in a vulnerable spot, the devouring time will buy you precious seconds
  3. Don't sympathize with the enemy
  4. Don't rely on the military, trust me
  5. Find the nearest SHOTGUN, preferrably a 20 Gauge or a USAS-12
  6. !!!!!!AIM FOR THE HEAD!!!!!!
  7. Find someone to watch your back, nothing scarier than being alone with ZOMBIES/PIGS!
© Rachel Harvey 2009